Why feel lonely

Or maybe you just dress differently. Looking after a parent or sibling. Being the primary carer for someone close to you who is sick or has a disability can often make you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. How normal is it to feel lonely? Disability, illness, racism and loneliness Sometimes loneliness can be caused by something else going on in our lives.

Here are some of the major issues which can cause loneliness: Mental illness. A lot of mental illnesses like bipolar, anxiety and depression can all make people feel very lonely. Mental illness can make you anxious about seeing others, so you might spend more time indoors. Or it can lead to insomnia, which in turn can make you tired, irritable and lonely. A range of disabilities can often make people feel as though there is no one around them that cares.

These feelings can get even worse if people in public are unkind or rude, and facing daily discrimination can make loneliness even harder to bear. People who encounter racism say that being discriminated against can make them feel alone, and can make it harder for them to form real connections.

When do people feel lonely? How do you manage loneliness? Here are a few quick dot points that cover some of the ways you can start feeling more at peace with the people in your life: Talk to people you trust about how you feel. I posit that this second state is far worse than the former.

I am so glad to see this topic of discussion I have a critical inner voice not often representative of what is happening in reality, though sometimes these thoughts happen when a situation happens where it triggers me to question my self worth. First off I really want a girlfriend and too get laid more often. I also am Catholic and go to church am involved at my church but the parishioners are older and I have not met anyone.

I have had sex in midlife and had a girlfriend a few yrs ago. I used to be painfully shy with women and im trying to overcome that by making eye contact and at places like the gym or coffee hour after mass making conversation, but I do get nervous when an attractive woman is around me as negative thought after negative thought fires up, that she thinks im ugly, desperate, gay , a rapist, stalker and from an outsiders view this would seem ridiculous and unreasonable.

But inside my own head I start to get anxiety and these thoughts go. I also have a lot of jealousy issues. Even though I know I could not commit such a horrible sin as my Faith guides me not too and I would not put that sadness on my parents who love me and friends and people at church. I am looking for a younger congregation. I pray that my life gets better but as of late I have felt like my life has become relentless, fulfilling, boring and when I nightingale steps to change it does not work, I feel like all my friends are happier then I am, my cousins are all married and happy and ill never have that and feel like my family dissent take me seriously.

I know my parents love me and they know about the depression , but I hide it as much as I can, I am seeing a therapist but I only see him once a month. I am so glad to see I am not alone in having these unwanted feelings. I have many issues like all of you in particular the whole being single thing bothers me, gives me anxiety and horrible thoughts.

I am 26 years old and currently live at home with my parents and I am single. I am tall, brown haired, clean shaven and in fairly good shape , and I am a vegetarian. Some people have told me I should try out for modeling. Being single bothers me and I really want a girlfriend and I want to get laid more. I often feel lonely when I see happy couples who look happy, or happy couples making out and the voices start going off in my head about how i am considered fat, unattractive and how ill be single and alone my whole life.

I have had sex in the past and had a girlfriend, but I am shy and the weird thing is people on the outside would consider me an extrovert and yet on the inside I feel the opposite. I am Catholic and go to church and put faith in GOD and pray my life gets better. I am still living with my parents and ashamed of it. I often have thoughts that I will live with my parents my whole life and that nothing will never change.

People except my parents see my smile outside and see this upbeat and confident guy, but I feel insecure and worthless on the inside often. I feel jealous of less attractive men who get laid every night.

I get very jealous of others too, even just random happy people I see, groups of friends, couples, you name it.

I am attractive, but feel undesirable still. This is really quite the rut to be in. I run and go to the gym and I feel better doing those activities. That is a good way to work off depression. Great article. Hi everyone. Very isolated and anti-social. Very meaningless. None of you are alone. Its all surface crap and meaningless dialogue. Stay strong. Back in time when earths population was numbered in the millions there was a great deal of isolation.

Without being to wordy I will add some things I find helps. Books, literature is quite awesome and a way to stay connected, nothing like a good book to engross you in human thought. Nature is spectacular, please spend more time in it. The search for self is also a wonderful thing. It never gets old, the questions, why am I here, who am I, what is important in what I think?

Of course number one is I have found Jesus Christ to be about the best friend a person can have. Let me say this quickly…that empty house, not so empty anymore, that empty lonely life, not so empty anymore once one has a relationship with God. I was in the grocery check out line on Friday, the lady looked tired, about my age, when she handed me the receipt I looked deep into her eyes and said thank you [Connie], have a great weekend.

Her whole face lit up…. I think I made her day. Who says being isolated and lonely prevents us from affecting others positively. Ya know that interaction made my day too. Seek that and you will find it. Revel in your independence, there is a whole world out there waiting to be explored if only through reading and visual arts, media and entertainment.

Being the best you can be alone can matter. Consider how strong you are for facing that challenge everyday. Jesus said I am with you, I will never leave you or forsake you.

I have found this to be true. What an ear he has to lend…I talk to him often and I know he listens. Shame really but what can you do? You can be happy…with you, that we can control. Best to all. I like the basis of your comment.

I have no religion, so I will keep my views to my self in that regard. I do think that our society has become more inward and selfish.

But have you ever went anywhere in public and for no reason at all, to give a smile to someone. Being a gentleman in public, and giving a smile more often rewards me with a smile in return. The former, loneliness by separation, just makes plain common sense. We are wired at a very primitive level to not be alone too long, probably for survival reasons. The other seems puzzling but probably not when you consider how much artificiality goes into most social convention.

When we have both of these when alone it is called solitude, when amongst others it is called community. I have a fairly comfortable life, but I question this as well so try to find ways to live humbly.

I volunteer, and I would tell anyone volunteering is very rewarding but it is not an answer. Though as has been said here, having money, good looks, or even lots of relationships is no barrier to feeling lonely. Sorry I ramble. Perhaps, as Joe says, the feeling of being unworthy is a message we get from society. I will still be searching for some time…. I used to do this, with that intention. And then, started wallowing in my own after such isolation. Helping others, did indeed make the day completed.

The great commission. Thank you!! I want a friend like you, Joe. I have copied your post and will re-read it from time to time. The world is a very lonely place. I am finding it to be more lonely as I get older.

I have one grown child and she is my only family. I am single and will most likely have to work well into my golden years, God willing. But I crave to live and not merely exist. Now I feel I am simply existing. This, to me, is tragic. I can live in my back yard looking at the stars, or sitting on my sofa reading a novel. I can definatly relate to loneliness. I have always found it really hard to get close to people and maintain relationships.

I am at a point in my life where I would really like to have more friends but it exhausts me just thinking about it. I have a hard time relaxing around people and I think people can take me the wrong way. I seem to have a lot of social anxiety and feel insecure around certain people.. I have battled with drinking and anger because of it….. Interesting article. I find myself lonely and isolated quite frequently. I believe that I am unlikable to most people, and I feel much better when I am alone, and not under the watchful eye of critical people.

I just got back from a vacation of being by myself. I was very lonely, but I loved it! Did I really want to be alone? I am not happy with my life, in fact I hate it! But I am not suicidal, I just look for ways to deal with it.

I enjoy helping other people, I enjoy making other people smile. But too often, when I try to help others or make them happy, I achieve the opposite of what I am trying to accomplish. This only makes me want to isolate myself even more! I got back from an 8-years long work contract in a foreign country about 6 months ago. Even though I went to 4 birthday parties since I came back, nobody remembered mine.

Hello to everyone. These sites are very informative and helpful. But, like many if you, there are times when there are only feelings of emptiness, loneliness , and depression. I HATE having those feelings! Ten years ago, I watched as my year-old daughter was pronounced dead by the ER physician. She had developed a blood clot in her leg that escaped many doctors. My life changed forever that night!

I was diagnosed with having clinical depression at around age 30 however; I am certain I struggled with it as a teenager. I have been through the ugliness of depression…extreme sadness, feeling like no one likes me or understands me, the negative self-talk, the thoughts of wanting to die!

When I recognized that it was depression that I struggled with and I thank Oprah for having that show on depression that I happened to have seen …well, it was like an epiphany, and the next day I called and made an appointment to see a doctor. I started therapy and medication which, I am certain, saved my life!! It is SO important to reach out to people…even going to places like this site. Reach out…and for those who may not struggle with depression, look around you…there are people all around hurting every day.

The professionals are so right in saying to do whatever you can to connect with someone…it will help you feel understood, accepted, and positive.

All of you suffering with depression, addictions, etc. God Bless you all. Please reach out!! I will make myself available to anyone as well. Thank you so inspirational, I am 54 3 wonderful kids and 3 amazing grandsons. Been on my own now for years, everyone seems to get on with me. I get told I am so attractive.

Yet I feel so lonely and ugly. I have tried dating sites but I never have the courage to speak to anyone. My friends all say the lovely thing about me is that men drooled over me when I was out anywhere.

Yet I never seen that I was always so timid and never felt good enough. I would love to meet someone who would see me for me. The relationships I have had, the men seems to treat me like a idiot. I would do anything for them yet they always treat me bad one way or another. I am a very caring person I work as a carer helping other people.

Never stop and think what I would like to do, as I never have so have no idea what I would like to do now. I can understand what everyone on here feels like. It would be great if we could all find solutions to this feeling and start to feel happy like most people. I, too, feel something may be wrong with me because suddenly at age 61 I have become more hermit-like, though I am deeply in love my boyfriend of two years.

I think Joe below is right when he says its harder than ever to connect with people, to even like them anymore! I understand the reasons, thank God but the end result is after 61 years I am out of steam and find myself avoiding most people because their energy is mostly negative or self-absorbed or clueless.

Also, I have always been very sensitive, but gregarious usually, popular even mostly. No need to worry much about her. So that sort of neglect, despite ministering to THEM for years and years left me a little bitter I must say.

I prefer my nephews to my Boomer brothers! So I now talk to them on FB, not my immediate family much. OK to want to keep your own company or just that of a boyfriend, say. I plan to bring it up with my therapist soon, but I just wanted to give my thoughts here in the hope they help others in some way. Good luck to everyone and God bless. Hi Ellen, you sound exactly like me. Great luck to you. Please be happy, you are worth it. This is a tough world to be sensitive in.

Good luck, Jim. PS In order to grow spiritually, many years ago now I sought detachment as much as possible. I also worked hard and still do, to reduce my ego, not feed it. Maybe those two spiritual practices, though beneficial in many great ways, well maybe I took it too far. But all I know is I am more superficial with people now keep my interactions mostly superficial with most and prefer it that way. My path now. Nearly everyone on this planet now seems to think they only live for the moment, for money, for their families and friends and petty politics or interest group and everything else be damned- God, the world, the environment, your neighbor.

It is a bleak time to be in the body, I will say that, but it will get better. We are on the cusp of a spiritual rebirth believe it or not. Also I think this method worked wonders for me. I feel like no one likes me.. Cj I hear you, and know your loneliness, you must be patient and wait, find hobby, distract your thoughts, start to think positive about yourself, tell yourself f… all i am going to enjoy life and I deserve happiness.

Take care. What have I said wrong? Where are my mistakes? How to correct them? I reached out, but it seems that all of my friendships fell out.. The only time i leave my small apartment is to go to dr appointments and too church. I have no friends and my children are grown and have their own lives they really dont spend any time with me anymore.

The only time I show signs of life and happiness is when i am with my granddaughters. It was important to me for them to have God in their lives for the simple fact my daughter struggles with the exsistance of God and faith. Her and her boyfriend came along with me at church a few times.

Since I am mainly the only one that takes them my fingerprints were the only one they had my daughter works alot and is hardly ever off on sundays. Well she attended with me and my oldest granddaughter recently and had a attitude cause she wasnt able to sign the girls into class so she had her prints done and took over what i took very proudly away rom me.

Little by little everything is slipping away from me. Most of all the only thing that gave me happiness and peace. Im even told i am not even a good grandmother cause i spoil and show my granddaughters attention.

I am considering moving several miles away alone away from everything and everyone that hurts me. Even if it hurts my oldest granddaughter that i raised for the first year and a half of her life. Cause obviously i am ruining her life as well. Talk bout being lonely and alone i have been for quit sometime. I cant stand to be away from my apaprtment for too long i dont feel safe and i feel out of place everywhere elses.

Is there anyone whom you can talk to at church who could counsel you? Or could you talk to a Christian therapist?

Maybe a counselor at church or a Christian therapist could help you find a support group of people going through something similar to what you are experiencing. A counselor also might be able to help you learn skills on how to make and keep friends as well, if you feel that you struggle in that area. I will keep you in my prayers. This is one of the most relatable articles I have found on this topic.

I live a vicious cycle of procrastination, very low self confidence, anxiety, depression, and who knows what else. I know I have potential. I started college with a full scholarship but for some reason I ruined it for myself. I watch myself skipping class, putting off assignments, sleeping until 2 or 3 pm.

My appearance, my personality——I feel weird and awkward, even though I know there are people who like me and enjoy my company. All of this is random and hard to follow, but it felt nice to rant. Hugs to everyone. I feel alone everyday scared to talk to ppl cus idk how there going to act wishing i had a gf but to scared to find one because im affraid of getting hurt or used i wish there was a dark hole somewhere i could just go there and stay alone.

I feel so alone. Back about 4 or 5 years ago I was a happy person, who would engage in some hard anxiety problems in the night. It would only happen some very few times. Now it happens everytime. I isolate and end up more depressed than I was before. This kind of doubts lead me to self judgement every single second of my life. Sometimes I try so hard not to tell anyone how I feel, even though I really wanted to.

I feel like I had no friends, and really had to share this in some random place, and see if it gets me going. I read somewhere that what we experience as adults mirrors what we experienced with our parents. If you were abused, you maybe a target for bullies or mean people.

If you were neglected, you may experience being ignored or excluded. These experiences make you want to retreat and stay away from people. But I do know that you beautiful, sensitive people deserve to exist and deserve a good life that you enjoy. Take good care of yourself first and other things may come out of that. Hi i have been reading all the comments on this site.

I cant believe i have so much in common with most peoples posts. I am 49 years old, live in a small village in South Wales, i recently moved here to be closer to my partner, and to try and find work. Due to claiming benefits it was the only private landlord i could find to take me on.

Well sinse i have been here 6 mths, i have become very isolated and lonely and getting more and more depressed. I dont go out much as i dont know any one, i only leave the house when my other half comes to see me he is full time carer for his mum and dad, so dont see him alot I have tried everything to find a job, no luck, i dont drive so have to rely on public transport. I have also tried to do voluntary work but they dont need me often enough to be out the house.

Both my children have now left home for some years my son is at uni, and my daughter live abroard. I am currently looking to move and try and change my situation but as still on benefits no one wants to take me in a new flat or house, due to all this bedroom tax and benefits cap.

Its not for the want of trying to get out its just not working, and lack of money doesnt help. I have no friends or family close by, and as said partner can only come when he is free. All of these stories are so touching and helps me know that im not alone. I have always felt secluded, socially awkward and the list goes on childhood through adult years.

I feel like theres no hope. Im 28 years old woman and just now getting my first apartment from living with family. My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me. Part of it has to do with very low self confidence. Im so hurt that he left me and feel that no one will take me serious.

I really need to get out and interact more. All i want is more friends, but i know that will never happen, im just a boy who was out grown by society, left in a room for 14 years, i broke free but seclusion is all i known, my mother died and my fathers a, lets just say a bad man, but when i did break free, no one likes me for who i am, so i stay forever in seclusion, i have a fake personality to look like im normal but, im not.

The only person who really cares about me is my mother, who I am infinitely grateful for, as she is the only one I can talk to, but I am tired of burdening her with all my problems. I have a sibling who has more serious psychological problems than I do, so my mother already has too much on her plate. I am naturally a loner, but I really wish that I had someone to talk to.

Writing this post was really scary. If anyone is out there, could you please give me some advice? Ever since I was a young girl I was very shy. I am now 53 years old and feel more alone than ever. That self help stuff is all well and good, but what would really help would be if someone would just care that I am hurting.

I feel very sad and depressed whenever i have my family around me….. I am I am an only child.. I am married to a wonderful man,,but do not have children. I was epileptic all my life,and married late.. My Mom has had dementia now for 7 years and my Dad lives with us..

My parents moved in a year after our marriage,my husband thought it proper where i was their only child we should be there for them.. We all got along great.. Mom is now in a nursing home,and my Dad visits everyday. I cannot work,due to my back,i no longer have the seizures…. But all i see is a grim future.. No more new memories. I never minded being an only child,as i always had many friends and cousins.. Many of these have moved away and some have lives with their grandchildren and children..

I am depressed all the time.. I am worried about money as i can no longer work,and am working on a getting disability.. I worked all my life with up to 2O seizures a month and even got promoted.. I refused a pension twice,,and not sorry I did..

I wanted to lead a close to normal life.. I fought all my life to be strong.. I sometimes say what will there be to live for…I feel alone, lonely,depressed scared…People say.. Who do i turn to when i have no direct family left. Do they know that you feel this way? If not, I think it would be a good idea to tell them. So I told her how I felt and she started spending more time with me.

I think it would be a good idea for you to tell your parents as well. People say go out and have a drink somewhere, talk to people. My mother died 26 years ago when I was I hate feeling like this. I even tried the online dating thing, but no one piqued my interest. A good kid.. I just want to feel better. My girlfriend recently moved abroad for summer vacations and there she would get engaged to her cousin.

The parents want some legal marriage documentation sort of thing done there in Australia so that she gets her visa soon once she comes back to Pakistan. She has left for almost 40 days and it is probably her 2nd day there today. The girl even told her mom about us, liking each other. She knows me as i have been visiting her place for exam studies etc. All of a sudden her mom changed her mind and decided to get her Nikkah done a muslim custom performed right before marriage.

My mom is aware of my situation and she often tries to calm me down and cries too when she watches me depressed. We really like each other and we are in the fourth year of bachelors degree and having been in a relationship. We were best friends and we are too. But the thought of her living with that family and interacting with the guy is killing me. I have been pretty upset. Please help me someone. But i fail to get why her mom is not listening even though she knows her daughter is not happy and cries day in and day out.

Whenever i discuss with my gf she ends up crying cuz honestly speaking she did try a lot. But we are still trying and praying. But there seems no way out of this depression.

She tries to explain that i can not tell the guy and his family that i like someone else but i can stay quite if they ask me if i am happy.

She says she loves me more than anything and she would keep on loving me and we will remain best friends and talk forever and be there for each other, i trust her and know shes saying the truth.

But once she gets married, she would be busy with her life and house affairs, how would she have time for me. It would be unethical to ask her for a similar relationship because now she would be someones wife.

It would be unethical on both of us. But the thought of her living with another guy and making a family would kill me. She says the guy is afraid of having kids with her and says she would avoid physical contact as long as she can.

But i know one day or the other the guy would be pressurized from his family to go for a baby, or he might even want to do it out of his own will, even if it is not for a baby. My life and hopes would be over. Hi, I m 22 yr old guy. I hava no friends since childhood.

This is either my shynesss or dullness. But I never like such things, I just tried involve myself. I have quoted such matters on many sites but reply never came. So, plz help me. Hi, It most of my life Ive been overweight and even my own mother made fun of me for it. Ive worked hard at a job for 25 years and they went bankrupt.

I have 2 kids that are grown now and they do their own thing on the holidays. Mom and I never got along, even when I was a child. Ironically she was dying in a nursing home and begged me to take her home to die. My brother lives in a half million dollar home in Tn.

I was told she had 6 months maximum to live and got an apartment, am paying for part of all her medical, oxygen, hospital, ambulance etc… expenses while on ssd myself. I have no life anyway, and when I do go out people look at me like Im an alien. No friends, no men will even look my way, im in pain all the time and taking care of a woman that I felt hated me even as a child. Went to therapy and when I talked about It they put me on medication and I had a nervous breakdown.

I wish I had a friend to talk to. I am a good mother, grandmother and the best friend anyone could ever want. I was even an excellent wife. What have I done to deserve this. Am I the only one feeling like this? I too feel lonely. My son is heading off to college today and he is my world. My family is 4 hrs south of here but not really too involved in my life. I know they love me though.

Dear Wendy It is so hard. I have gone through the same thing. Being single when your kid leaves the nest is just torture nothing can prepare you for it.

I am trying to keep busy but living by yourself especially when all my friends are married is so difficult. I hope things will get better. My mom works 12 hours a day and I have to iron all the clothes and clean the house and cook food.

My mom had a baby about a year ago so I have three brothers now. Do you relate to this phrase? If so, know that a lot of young people think that too, including us. But what you may not realise is that loneliness is a common feeling in young people. We want to help you reduce the stigma you may feel around loneliness and get you to a place where you can say:. Here we share with you how loneliness makes us feel.

We hope that our openness and honesty helps you to feel less alone and more understood. We want you to know that we have been there.